Christmas songs...a new perspective

yes, its that beautiful time of year, the lovely Christmas season!  So many memories come back of my Christmas' "down on the farm".  Going to Christmas Eve mass, headed to my grandmas after that, going home and "just missing" Santa flying by.  Scurrying up to bed..all those awesome kid memories.  Well....now I'm an adult.  I still love Christmas, but Christmas music seems to have changed a bit over the years.  Maybe not changed a bit, but as I have "matured" (I use that word loosely), I've begun to notice some songs that may need a bit of the ol' Twin Treatment.  Following is my list of songs that either needed banned for all eternity, or songs that you might want to take a "second glance" at.

"Do you hear what I hear?"
this is a beautiful song, especially when Carrie Underwood sings it.  Its so sweet, so nice to listen to.  However....have you ever really listened to the lyrics.  Let me enlighten you.

Said the shepard boy to the mighty king
Do you know what I know
In your palace wall mighty king
Do you know what I know
A child, a child
Shivers in the cold
Let us bring him silver and gold
Let us bring him silver and gold

Said the king to the people everywhere
Listen to what I say
Pray for peace people everywhere
Listen to what I say
The child, the child
Sleeping in the night
He will bring us goodness and light
He will bring us goodness and light

OKAY, HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!!!!  Hey, shepherd boy, you're not too bright, are you.  Knowing that the "shepherd' job was pretty much the lowest ranking job in society back then, it shouldnt surprise me.  Heres the thing.  You say "a child, a child, shivers in the cold, let us bring him silver and gold".  Hey, genius, why dont you bring a BLANKET to the freezing child.  Thanks, braniac, baby Jesus is going to get pneumonia if you dump a bunch of germ-infested money onto him.  Oh, and that King that you just told???  That would be King Herod.  Know how much he loved the news of a king being born in a palace???  he didnt say "he will bring us goodness and light"  He said "kill all the sons under the age of 2".  Way to go shepherd boy!

"I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus"
Ok, this song is pretty tame, but umm...WHAT?  You snuck out of bed and caught mom in a torrid affair and you say "Oh what a laugh it would have been , if daddy had only seen".  No...kid...reality check. If daddy had seen, there would be carnage and police all over your house.  You can forget about that bike you asked for, its being taken in as evidence.

"jingle bells"
Again, I thought this was relatively tame, until I actually read the lyrics.  Do you know the lyrics to the second verse?  Let me enlighten you.  The guy picks up a chick, and her name is Fannie Bright.  really??  Fannie Bright???  I dont want to know what her side job is.  They get stuck in the snow.  Hmmm....stuck in the snow with Fannie Bright?  Me thinks that wasnt an accident.   hehehehe

"Its the Most wonderful time of the year"
This is a fun one, but theres a line in it that I've never understood.  It goes "They'll be scarey ghost stories and tales of the glory of Christmas' long long ago".  Ok, am I missing some sort of tradition?  How many of you, instead of reading the Bible Christmas story or perhaps Twas the night before Christmas, read scarey ghost stories to your kids?  "Hey kids, Santa is actually code for Zombie, and he's gonna come down the chimney and eat you!"  Merry Christmas, off to bed!

"Santa Claus is coming to town"
Ok, other than the obvious creepiness of this song (Santa Claus is obviously working for the CIA)  The Pendley version goes like this
"You better watch out, you better not cry, better not pout I'm telling you why
Cause mom and dad arent afraid to spank your butt"

"12 days of Christmas"
This song is off the hook crazy.  I understand that theres some kind of special meaning to all the gifts, but I dont care.  I'm taking them all at face value.  Do you realize that there are 5 flippin days before the man gets anything decent for his wife?  Up until the golden rings, all she got is a bunch of flippin birds to take care of.  And then right after the rings, he goes back to the birds with flipping geese.  Geese are pretty much the meanest birds on the planet.  Lets buy 6 of them!  Hooray!!!!   And then he brings home "Maids a milking"  Hey honey, your next present is a bunch of harlets and they brought their cows!!!!!  YIPPEEE!!!!  Ohh, however, he does bring home a bunch of "lords a leapin"   WTH?  Lords a leapin?  Makes me question whats making those boys leap.  My best guess would be they are leaping all over the bird poop thats now covered the house.

"Baby its cold outside"
I love this song, I really do.  But, do you realize he drugs this chick?  I didnt know they had Roofies 'back in the day'.  Theres a line in it that says " Say, whats in this drink?"  see, he drugged her.  Wrong, Bing Crosby, thats just WRONG!


Thats just my take on a few songs.  Feel free to add your own!!!!!!!  Have a very Merry Christmas!  And watch out for that Eggnog!

Angie