I dont know where to start this blog, or where to end it, so I'm just going to start typing and we'll see together where this goes. This'll probably take me all day to type out, as I'm quite sure I'll go through it 100 times and add/delete stuff. Heres my official warning
THIS WILL NOT BE A FUNNY BLOG! THIS BLOG WILL BE VERY DISTURBING AND POSSIBLY GRAPHIC, SO IT IS NOT INTENDED FOR ANYONE UNDER THE AGE OF 15.
So, if you are reading this and expecting my usual lunacy, I'm sorry to disappoint. I do have a serious side, sometimes, and it needs to come out and play for a bit. After I'm done, I'll stuff it back down and put my funny mask back on.
Here we go.
I have been praying a lot lately, nothing exactly new to me, but I've been praying with a specific purpose. I wanted my heart broken. Say what??? Yes, I have been praying for God to smash my heart. Break it, crumble it, make me cry, make me FEEL SOMETHING. Lately I've felt very calm. This is a good thing considering who I live with, but I'm sick of calm. I want to be PASSIONATE. Oooh la la. No, not that kind of passion (although I'm sure Andy might appreciate that), I want to be passionate about Gods purpose. I want to live for more than this day to day nonsense. I get up, I get the boys to school, I clean my house, I read facebook, I do sleep studies, I go to church, I spend time with the smokin-hot hubster, blah blah blah...YAWN. Man, I'm bored. And I'm boring. Not to say that what I'm doing is not important. Raising four sons to be godly men is THE most important job that I've ever been given, that and being my husbands arm candy. However, I am craving SUBSTANCE! Give me something challenging, break my mold, open my eyes Father God. TELL ME WHAT TO DO! Reveal the ugly, reveal the sin in my life, reveal the prejudice that I have, and make me get rid of it! Well, He has. Thank you Abba Father.
Okay, all that being said, I'm going to type the subject of this blog. DONT RUN AWAY!
Abortion.
BOOM!
If you're still here, let me get down to business. I'm going to try and keep this very fact-oriented. I have several atheist/agnostic friends, so I dont want to get all holy-roller. This isnt a religious issue, its a life issue. This isnt a Republican/Democrat issue, its a life issue. This isnt an American issue, its a life issue. Abortion effects ALL OF US. Now, please keep in mind that I am a Christian, so that will be discussed. However, when I say that I am a Christian, its not a religion to me, its a matter of Faith and a way of life. Its not about rules, but about grace in knowing that I am just as much of a sinner as the next guy. I know that I am not always right, but I know the One who is :)
Unless you live in a cave, you've heard about the Gosnell trial. If you do live in a cave, let me enlighten you. Kermit Gosnell is a physician in Philly that performs abortions. Well, he DID perform abortions, now he's going to rot in jail till he dies. Why?? Because it was discovered that he was killing babies that were completely born ALIVE. He had several live births in the process of abortion. How did he handle these? What did he do with these squirming, crying, breathing babies?? He killed them. Snipped their brain from their spinal cord. The stories are horrific and unfathomable to anyone with any kind of conscience. The pictures are worse. Fully formed human beings with cuts in their necks. He took them and threw them in the trash. In the garbage, like yesterdays casserole.
Many people would like us to believe that he's just a freak, he's out of the mainstream, he's alone in doing this. No, he's not. I'm not dumb enough to think "Well, he's in jail, thats the end of THAT" No, there are more "Gosnells" out there. Abortion is big business, folks. BIG MONEY. Did some quick research (google). In 2005, approximately $831,000,000 was made from abortions. yes, thats MILLIONS. Its increased steadily over the years. Gosnell himself made 1.8 million annually. Abortion is priced according to how far along the woman is. 1st trimester, 2nd trimester, 3rd trimester. The further along, the more its gonna cost. Third trimesters are supposed to be illegal, but, obviously, they are still happening. The cut off is supposed to be 24 weeks in most states. Ironic that 24 weeks is also the known as the "viability" week. Meaning, if you make it to 24 weeks, and your baby would happen to be born then, the chances are much greater for the child to survive than before 24 weeks. So, at 24 weeks, you can either kill the baby or save it.
My heart aches over this. My soul literally cries. I dont understand this. How can this be happening in this country? What would make a woman decide to end a life? I dont have the answers, but I'm trying to find out. I'm especially concerned with the late-term abortions. What happened in these womens lives to make them suddenly decide to kill the child that they've been pregnant with for 6 months? How can a woman do this after shes felt that baby move? I dont understand, and frankly, I'm scared to death to understand. The overwhelming answer that I've received so far is ignorance. I dont say that in a mean way. I'm not saying "stupidity", I'm saying ignorance. Women are not aware that this is a living human being. They are told that its a clump of tissue, that he doesnt feel pain, that he's not formed. They are also ignorant of their choices. I find it crazy that the pro-abortionists are called "Pro-Choice". If it were truly pro-choice, than women WOULD be given the information and knowledge that they need to make an INFORMED DECISION. Instead, they are lied to, deceived, kept in the dark. Dont believe me?? Check out these clips.
http://youtu.be/eipSl72hsmI
http://youtu.be/BtpdYlcbVRQ
http://youtu.be/NxOWyumLufA6
There are many, many more videos. Time after time, women are being lied to. Women are being led to believe that having a baby is a pain, a burden, that its horrible. No...its not. Babies are wonderful! They are beautiful and fantastic! Babies bring indescribable joy!!! Yes, they are hard work, but its so worth it!
From reading article after article, the facts are just mind-numbing. If I can be real frank here, folks, these women are not from white suburbia. The majority of these women (in the US) are either black or latino. In the US, an African American baby has a 50/50 shot at being born. Read that again. HALF of all African American pregnancies end in abortion. Most of these women have low-incomes. This is a travesty! And, I dont want to hear the argument "Well, thats one less that I'll have to support with my tax money". For real? Seriously? You'd rather have a child end up in the trash can than use "your" tax money. Time for a priority check. These babies deserve LIFE. They deserve an education, food, clothing..everything that my boys have. If it takes my tax money to do it, so be it.
I could go through some more numbers, more statistics, more facts, but I'll spare you. I want to zero in on my women out there that are thinking about an abortion.
Please, educate yourself. Please. If anything, get ALL the facts first. Once an abortion is done, its done, theres no turning back. Please, consider LIFE. Consider what kind of mom you could be! I know its scarey, I know its uncertain, but give yourself and that baby a chance! You are much stronger than you think you are. Please, consider adoption. If your life circumstances dont look like they could support a baby right now, than do the most unselfish thing and place that baby into waiting arms. I know too many women that have battled or are battling infertility. Do you know what they would give to be able to get pregnant??? Do you know how many lives will be blessed by that decision?? Do you know how much YOU will be blessed by that decision? And it doesnt have to be "hand baby over, never see him again". There are so many different adoption options. I'm asking for 9 months of your whole life. 9 months. Two of my sons are adopted. I love these boys with everything I have, and I will forever praise their birth-mothers for choosing LIFE.
Now, I'm going to zero in on men. Men, for goodness sake, rise up and do SOMETHING. Stop sitting there with your fingers in your ears! You had just as much to do with this baby being conceived as she did. BE RESPONSIBLE. Most likely, the woman is going to go along with what you decide. USE PROTECTION. If you absolutely cannot wait until marriage (which all of you can, I assure you), then use protection. And if, by chance, your partner does become pregnant, then BE A MAN AND HELP HER! Dont run off like some dog in heat just lookin for the next one to impregnate!
Ok, my preachin is over. All of this leads to my initial paragraphs about God speaking to me. He is urging me to help NOW. So, I'm going to be contacting the local pro-life organizations and seeing what I can do. I dont have any money, and I have very little time, but the time I can give, I will. I'm not telling you this to brag, honestly, I'm scared to death. But, I'm sick of sitting here and reading these horror stories and not doing anything about it. God did not give me a spirit of fear, but of courage.
In closing, I need to mention, if you are a woman, and you have had an abortion, good Lord I'm praying for you. Healing is possible, Forgiveness is possible, Being whole again is possible. I pray thousands of blessings upon you to help you.
Its either we laugh or....we get off our butts and do something.
Angie
yep, this is us
This is the most recent one of the two of us..Chris smiling, Angie looking neurotic
Thursday, May 16, 2013
Monday, December 24, 2012
Christmas songs...a new perspective
yes, its that beautiful time of year, the lovely Christmas season! So many memories come back of my Christmas' "down on the farm". Going to Christmas Eve mass, headed to my grandmas after that, going home and "just missing" Santa flying by. Scurrying up to bed..all those awesome kid memories. Well....now I'm an adult. I still love Christmas, but Christmas music seems to have changed a bit over the years. Maybe not changed a bit, but as I have "matured" (I use that word loosely), I've begun to notice some songs that may need a bit of the ol' Twin Treatment. Following is my list of songs that either needed banned for all eternity, or songs that you might want to take a "second glance" at.
"Do you hear what I hear?"
this is a beautiful song, especially when Carrie Underwood sings it. Its so sweet, so nice to listen to. However....have you ever really listened to the lyrics. Let me enlighten you.
Said the shepard boy to the mighty king
Do you know what I know
In your palace wall mighty king
Do you know what I know
A child, a child
Shivers in the cold
Let us bring him silver and gold
Let us bring him silver and gold
Said the king to the people everywhere
Listen to what I say
Pray for peace people everywhere
Listen to what I say
The child, the child
Sleeping in the night
He will bring us goodness and light
He will bring us goodness and light
OKAY, HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!!!! Hey, shepherd boy, you're not too bright, are you. Knowing that the "shepherd' job was pretty much the lowest ranking job in society back then, it shouldnt surprise me. Heres the thing. You say "a child, a child, shivers in the cold, let us bring him silver and gold". Hey, genius, why dont you bring a BLANKET to the freezing child. Thanks, braniac, baby Jesus is going to get pneumonia if you dump a bunch of germ-infested money onto him. Oh, and that King that you just told??? That would be King Herod. Know how much he loved the news of a king being born in a palace??? he didnt say "he will bring us goodness and light" He said "kill all the sons under the age of 2". Way to go shepherd boy!
"I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus"
Ok, this song is pretty tame, but umm...WHAT? You snuck out of bed and caught mom in a torrid affair and you say "Oh what a laugh it would have been , if daddy had only seen". No...kid...reality check. If daddy had seen, there would be carnage and police all over your house. You can forget about that bike you asked for, its being taken in as evidence.
"jingle bells"
Again, I thought this was relatively tame, until I actually read the lyrics. Do you know the lyrics to the second verse? Let me enlighten you. The guy picks up a chick, and her name is Fannie Bright. really?? Fannie Bright??? I dont want to know what her side job is. They get stuck in the snow. Hmmm....stuck in the snow with Fannie Bright? Me thinks that wasnt an accident. hehehehe
"Its the Most wonderful time of the year"
This is a fun one, but theres a line in it that I've never understood. It goes "They'll be scarey ghost stories and tales of the glory of Christmas' long long ago". Ok, am I missing some sort of tradition? How many of you, instead of reading the Bible Christmas story or perhaps Twas the night before Christmas, read scarey ghost stories to your kids? "Hey kids, Santa is actually code for Zombie, and he's gonna come down the chimney and eat you!" Merry Christmas, off to bed!
"Santa Claus is coming to town"
Ok, other than the obvious creepiness of this song (Santa Claus is obviously working for the CIA) The Pendley version goes like this
"You better watch out, you better not cry, better not pout I'm telling you why
Cause mom and dad arent afraid to spank your butt"
"12 days of Christmas"
This song is off the hook crazy. I understand that theres some kind of special meaning to all the gifts, but I dont care. I'm taking them all at face value. Do you realize that there are 5 flippin days before the man gets anything decent for his wife? Up until the golden rings, all she got is a bunch of flippin birds to take care of. And then right after the rings, he goes back to the birds with flipping geese. Geese are pretty much the meanest birds on the planet. Lets buy 6 of them! Hooray!!!! And then he brings home "Maids a milking" Hey honey, your next present is a bunch of harlets and they brought their cows!!!!! YIPPEEE!!!! Ohh, however, he does bring home a bunch of "lords a leapin" WTH? Lords a leapin? Makes me question whats making those boys leap. My best guess would be they are leaping all over the bird poop thats now covered the house.
"Baby its cold outside"
I love this song, I really do. But, do you realize he drugs this chick? I didnt know they had Roofies 'back in the day'. Theres a line in it that says " Say, whats in this drink?" see, he drugged her. Wrong, Bing Crosby, thats just WRONG!
Thats just my take on a few songs. Feel free to add your own!!!!!!! Have a very Merry Christmas! And watch out for that Eggnog!
Angie
"Do you hear what I hear?"
this is a beautiful song, especially when Carrie Underwood sings it. Its so sweet, so nice to listen to. However....have you ever really listened to the lyrics. Let me enlighten you.
Said the shepard boy to the mighty king
Do you know what I know
In your palace wall mighty king
Do you know what I know
A child, a child
Shivers in the cold
Let us bring him silver and gold
Let us bring him silver and gold
Said the king to the people everywhere
Listen to what I say
Pray for peace people everywhere
Listen to what I say
The child, the child
Sleeping in the night
He will bring us goodness and light
He will bring us goodness and light
OKAY, HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!!!! Hey, shepherd boy, you're not too bright, are you. Knowing that the "shepherd' job was pretty much the lowest ranking job in society back then, it shouldnt surprise me. Heres the thing. You say "a child, a child, shivers in the cold, let us bring him silver and gold". Hey, genius, why dont you bring a BLANKET to the freezing child. Thanks, braniac, baby Jesus is going to get pneumonia if you dump a bunch of germ-infested money onto him. Oh, and that King that you just told??? That would be King Herod. Know how much he loved the news of a king being born in a palace??? he didnt say "he will bring us goodness and light" He said "kill all the sons under the age of 2". Way to go shepherd boy!
"I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus"
Ok, this song is pretty tame, but umm...WHAT? You snuck out of bed and caught mom in a torrid affair and you say "Oh what a laugh it would have been , if daddy had only seen". No...kid...reality check. If daddy had seen, there would be carnage and police all over your house. You can forget about that bike you asked for, its being taken in as evidence.
"jingle bells"
Again, I thought this was relatively tame, until I actually read the lyrics. Do you know the lyrics to the second verse? Let me enlighten you. The guy picks up a chick, and her name is Fannie Bright. really?? Fannie Bright??? I dont want to know what her side job is. They get stuck in the snow. Hmmm....stuck in the snow with Fannie Bright? Me thinks that wasnt an accident. hehehehe
"Its the Most wonderful time of the year"
This is a fun one, but theres a line in it that I've never understood. It goes "They'll be scarey ghost stories and tales of the glory of Christmas' long long ago". Ok, am I missing some sort of tradition? How many of you, instead of reading the Bible Christmas story or perhaps Twas the night before Christmas, read scarey ghost stories to your kids? "Hey kids, Santa is actually code for Zombie, and he's gonna come down the chimney and eat you!" Merry Christmas, off to bed!
"Santa Claus is coming to town"
Ok, other than the obvious creepiness of this song (Santa Claus is obviously working for the CIA) The Pendley version goes like this
"You better watch out, you better not cry, better not pout I'm telling you why
Cause mom and dad arent afraid to spank your butt"
"12 days of Christmas"
This song is off the hook crazy. I understand that theres some kind of special meaning to all the gifts, but I dont care. I'm taking them all at face value. Do you realize that there are 5 flippin days before the man gets anything decent for his wife? Up until the golden rings, all she got is a bunch of flippin birds to take care of. And then right after the rings, he goes back to the birds with flipping geese. Geese are pretty much the meanest birds on the planet. Lets buy 6 of them! Hooray!!!! And then he brings home "Maids a milking" Hey honey, your next present is a bunch of harlets and they brought their cows!!!!! YIPPEEE!!!! Ohh, however, he does bring home a bunch of "lords a leapin" WTH? Lords a leapin? Makes me question whats making those boys leap. My best guess would be they are leaping all over the bird poop thats now covered the house.
"Baby its cold outside"
I love this song, I really do. But, do you realize he drugs this chick? I didnt know they had Roofies 'back in the day'. Theres a line in it that says " Say, whats in this drink?" see, he drugged her. Wrong, Bing Crosby, thats just WRONG!
Thats just my take on a few songs. Feel free to add your own!!!!!!! Have a very Merry Christmas! And watch out for that Eggnog!
Angie
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Positive Reinforcement
I've had this blog idea bouncing around in my head for a number of days, so let's see if I can spit it out.
I firmly believe this world would be a much better place, if we all ran on the "Positive Reinforcement" model. Some examples would be-
"Excuse me, fine citizen. Do you know why I pulled you over?"
"No, fine officer, why is that?"
" Well, I saw that you were the only fine citizen not driving like a drunken monkey through the construction site. Here is a coupon for a free ice cream cone. *wink wink* Carry on fine citizen!"
At the doctors office-
"Well hello, fine patient of mine. I see that you walked in here with your severed head in a bag and didn't demand pain meds. Here, this is a script for loritab. Take two of them with a shot of vodka. Send yourself on a little mini- vacation without even leaving your living room."
As opposed to "Hello crack head patient of mine. I see you are demanding anxiety meds because your neighbors dog won't stop barking. Here, this is a script for "Suck it up sweetheart" and a gun permit. I think you know what to do."
At the school
"well hello fine parent. I see that you are the only parent who hasn't called to harass me about homework, lunches, my shoe size, and my middle name. Here is a free pass on having to sign the 400 parent forms that I will be sending home in the next 2 days."
" well thank you, fine teacher of my child."
Seriously, the world would be a much better place if they would only put anti-depressants in the water system like they do fluoride!
We either laugh or.......we shoot the neighbors dog.
I firmly believe this world would be a much better place, if we all ran on the "Positive Reinforcement" model. Some examples would be-
"Excuse me, fine citizen. Do you know why I pulled you over?"
"No, fine officer, why is that?"
" Well, I saw that you were the only fine citizen not driving like a drunken monkey through the construction site. Here is a coupon for a free ice cream cone. *wink wink* Carry on fine citizen!"
At the doctors office-
"Well hello, fine patient of mine. I see that you walked in here with your severed head in a bag and didn't demand pain meds. Here, this is a script for loritab. Take two of them with a shot of vodka. Send yourself on a little mini- vacation without even leaving your living room."
As opposed to "Hello crack head patient of mine. I see you are demanding anxiety meds because your neighbors dog won't stop barking. Here, this is a script for "Suck it up sweetheart" and a gun permit. I think you know what to do."
At the school
"well hello fine parent. I see that you are the only parent who hasn't called to harass me about homework, lunches, my shoe size, and my middle name. Here is a free pass on having to sign the 400 parent forms that I will be sending home in the next 2 days."
" well thank you, fine teacher of my child."
Seriously, the world would be a much better place if they would only put anti-depressants in the water system like they do fluoride!
We either laugh or.......we shoot the neighbors dog.
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
The right way....or else
Well, its been awhile since I've blogged about anything, but this morning finds me in quite the sarcastic mood, so hey, lets blog.
Anyone that has followed my facebook posts for any amount of time, knows that I absolutely HATE dropping my kids off at school (and picking them up). Hate it, abhor it, would rather spill my own blood than do it. Why? you may ask??? I'll explain it to you in the best way I know how....drumroll please....
The Right Way....When getting your child ready for school, before you put them in your vehicle, check to make sure they are fully dressed. Clothes, shoes, socks...not that hard. Make sure they have their backpack in order and fully zipped.
The Wrong Way...Throw your kid in the car in their pajamas and have them get dressed on the way to school. Put their backpack in the trunk with all the contents spilling out. Lock trunk, put padlock on trunk, sit elephant on trunk..drive to school like a bat out of hell.
The Right Way.....When placing your child in the vehicle, make sure they are sitting in the seat closest to the door that they will be exiting.
The Wrong Way....Stuff your kid under the seat, tie them down with chains
The Right Way...When entering the school lot, get into the drop-off lane and wait your turn. Slowly make your way up to the school.
The Wrong Way...screech into the parking lot, get into the left lane, bypass all the vehicles waiting their turn in the drop off lane, pull up to the school and completely stop traffic as your little angel weaves in-between cars to get to the door. Of course, if your little angel gets hit by a car, you would have the right to sue the snot out of the driver, the school, the corporation, the highway dept, and President Obama. It would have NOTHING to do with your negligence at all.
The Right Way...once you get up to the school door, have your kid unbuckle and hop out.
The Wrong Way...Once you get up to the school, YOU exit the vehicle, run around the car like a Japanese fire drill, unbuckle your kid that evidently cant do it themselves, talk to your kid, put their shoes on for them, knit them a sweater, recite the pledge, change the oil in your car....all the while ignore the people behind you that are waiting to leave.
If you are one of the parents that like to walk your child up to the school from the parking lot, then...
The Right Way...park your car in one of the designated parking spots. Walk to crosswalk. Wait for Principal to wave you through, pick up your kid.
The Wrong Way...park wherever you flippin feel like. Not a spot available, make your own. Better yet, park in the drop-off lane and then walk up to the school. Dont worry about the rest of us behind you, I assure you we have nothing better to do than to sit and wait on you. Go get your child, chatty chat with the teacher, give the principal an apple, reconstruct Noahs Ark out of toothpicks, learn a foreign language, then meander back to your car.
Exiting the parking lot....
The Right Way...wait your turn, drive about 3 mph, take RIGHT turn out of parking lot, drive slowly until you get out of the school zone.
The Wrong Way...peel out of your parking spot, flip off other parents, wedge your car sideways in the drop-off lane so that nobody can get around you, attempt to make LEFT hand turn around the orange barrels and cones, cause accident on 18th st (one of the busiest streets in Lafayette), cuss everyone out, sue the principal, the school, the corporation, the highway department, and President Obama.
People, my tolerance with this is VERY,VERY thin. I have an 8 passenger Suburban..it eats tiny cars for snacks and mini-vans for dinner. Cut me off again..I dare you.
Its either we laugh, or we....homeschool. hehehe
Angie
Anyone that has followed my facebook posts for any amount of time, knows that I absolutely HATE dropping my kids off at school (and picking them up). Hate it, abhor it, would rather spill my own blood than do it. Why? you may ask??? I'll explain it to you in the best way I know how....drumroll please....
The Right Way....When getting your child ready for school, before you put them in your vehicle, check to make sure they are fully dressed. Clothes, shoes, socks...not that hard. Make sure they have their backpack in order and fully zipped.
The Wrong Way...Throw your kid in the car in their pajamas and have them get dressed on the way to school. Put their backpack in the trunk with all the contents spilling out. Lock trunk, put padlock on trunk, sit elephant on trunk..drive to school like a bat out of hell.
The Right Way.....When placing your child in the vehicle, make sure they are sitting in the seat closest to the door that they will be exiting.
The Wrong Way....Stuff your kid under the seat, tie them down with chains
The Right Way...When entering the school lot, get into the drop-off lane and wait your turn. Slowly make your way up to the school.
The Wrong Way...screech into the parking lot, get into the left lane, bypass all the vehicles waiting their turn in the drop off lane, pull up to the school and completely stop traffic as your little angel weaves in-between cars to get to the door. Of course, if your little angel gets hit by a car, you would have the right to sue the snot out of the driver, the school, the corporation, the highway dept, and President Obama. It would have NOTHING to do with your negligence at all.
The Right Way...once you get up to the school door, have your kid unbuckle and hop out.
The Wrong Way...Once you get up to the school, YOU exit the vehicle, run around the car like a Japanese fire drill, unbuckle your kid that evidently cant do it themselves, talk to your kid, put their shoes on for them, knit them a sweater, recite the pledge, change the oil in your car....all the while ignore the people behind you that are waiting to leave.
If you are one of the parents that like to walk your child up to the school from the parking lot, then...
The Right Way...park your car in one of the designated parking spots. Walk to crosswalk. Wait for Principal to wave you through, pick up your kid.
The Wrong Way...park wherever you flippin feel like. Not a spot available, make your own. Better yet, park in the drop-off lane and then walk up to the school. Dont worry about the rest of us behind you, I assure you we have nothing better to do than to sit and wait on you. Go get your child, chatty chat with the teacher, give the principal an apple, reconstruct Noahs Ark out of toothpicks, learn a foreign language, then meander back to your car.
Exiting the parking lot....
The Right Way...wait your turn, drive about 3 mph, take RIGHT turn out of parking lot, drive slowly until you get out of the school zone.
The Wrong Way...peel out of your parking spot, flip off other parents, wedge your car sideways in the drop-off lane so that nobody can get around you, attempt to make LEFT hand turn around the orange barrels and cones, cause accident on 18th st (one of the busiest streets in Lafayette), cuss everyone out, sue the principal, the school, the corporation, the highway department, and President Obama.
People, my tolerance with this is VERY,VERY thin. I have an 8 passenger Suburban..it eats tiny cars for snacks and mini-vans for dinner. Cut me off again..I dare you.
Its either we laugh, or we....homeschool. hehehe
Angie
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Fun facts about the Twins
I'm bored. How bout I write a blog post!? Funny, maybe funny, strange, weird, ironic facts about Me and My Twin.
1. We were born exactly 30 minutes apart. Our poor mother. I was breech. This was back in the day when they just went ahead and had the moms deliver the breech babies. I showed my best side to the world from the get go.
2. We were shipped to Riley Childrens Hospital after we were born. Mom and Dad hadn't named us yet, so we were Baby A, and Baby B.
3. Angie, Twin 1, has a degree in Law Enforcement. Chrissy, me Twin 2, has a degree in teaching Special Education. We are both now Board Registered Polysomnographists.
4. Our husbands both have the same ex-girlfriend.
5. Growing up, it was predicted that Angie would have a million pets and maybe a few kids, Chrissy would have a million kids and maybe a few pets. Now that we're adults, Angie has a million kids and two pets. Chrissy has one kid and a million pets.
6. We were room mates in college. This was NOT by choice to begin with. They roomed us together because they processed the dorm applications in the order they were received. Since they received ours at the same time, they put us in the same room. We were told once we got to college, we could request new roommates. Once we GOT to college, we decided to just stay together since we didn't know anyone else.
7. The nick names Twin 1, and Twin 2, were given to us by our neighbors at college. They couldn't remember our names, so they just named us Twin 1 and Twin 2 and the nick names stuck. To this day, I SWEAR there are still people from college that don't know our names.
8. We both met our husbands in the same place at college. Campus Ministries.
9. We are both in love with Notre Dame football, Adam Levine, and chocolate.
10. We both despised every single minute of high school and don't feel like we really came to life until we left. College, on the other hand, was a freakin hoot. LOVED every minute of college.
11. We have matching twin tattoos.
I'm tired, I can't think of any more.
It's either we laugh, or we moon the mailman.
Chrissy
1. We were born exactly 30 minutes apart. Our poor mother. I was breech. This was back in the day when they just went ahead and had the moms deliver the breech babies. I showed my best side to the world from the get go.
2. We were shipped to Riley Childrens Hospital after we were born. Mom and Dad hadn't named us yet, so we were Baby A, and Baby B.
3. Angie, Twin 1, has a degree in Law Enforcement. Chrissy, me Twin 2, has a degree in teaching Special Education. We are both now Board Registered Polysomnographists.
4. Our husbands both have the same ex-girlfriend.
5. Growing up, it was predicted that Angie would have a million pets and maybe a few kids, Chrissy would have a million kids and maybe a few pets. Now that we're adults, Angie has a million kids and two pets. Chrissy has one kid and a million pets.
6. We were room mates in college. This was NOT by choice to begin with. They roomed us together because they processed the dorm applications in the order they were received. Since they received ours at the same time, they put us in the same room. We were told once we got to college, we could request new roommates. Once we GOT to college, we decided to just stay together since we didn't know anyone else.
7. The nick names Twin 1, and Twin 2, were given to us by our neighbors at college. They couldn't remember our names, so they just named us Twin 1 and Twin 2 and the nick names stuck. To this day, I SWEAR there are still people from college that don't know our names.
8. We both met our husbands in the same place at college. Campus Ministries.
9. We are both in love with Notre Dame football, Adam Levine, and chocolate.
10. We both despised every single minute of high school and don't feel like we really came to life until we left. College, on the other hand, was a freakin hoot. LOVED every minute of college.
11. We have matching twin tattoos.
I'm tired, I can't think of any more.
It's either we laugh, or we moon the mailman.
Chrissy
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
I've had too much caffeine
So, we are getting ready to complete our yearly home study update for adoption. It's something that has to be done each year to keep us eligible for adoption. Anyway, I have been thinking of crazy things kids say and I have decided to write down the WORST things kids could say during a home study.
1. "Mommy drinks ALOT after the nice church ladies leave."
2. "Those child proof tops on Mommys Happy Meds are REALLY easy to get off."
3. "Mommy told me before you got here if I touched anything in the house she would rip my arms off and feed them to the dog."
4. "Mommy says she really hopes you don't look in the attic 'cause that's where she keeps the instruments of torture."
5. "Mommy threatened Daddy with bodily harm and possible death if he didn't get off his lazy butt and help her clean the house."
6. "Mommy doesn't kiss Daddy like she does "Uncle Charlie."
7. "Mommy took a triple dose of meds before you came here this morning. She says she hopes you don't notice her pupils are fixed and dilated."
8. "Mommy said if I don't tell you that I'm a happy kid and love my home that she would lock me in a closet and feed me nothing but bread and water for a week."
9. "Mommy says she hopes you don't get in the special drawer in her bedroom that has some funny lotions in it. "
10. "Mommy says she's going to jump off the roof if she has to do one more *&^% home study."
11. " Sometimes when Mommy and Daddy are sleeping, I like to play scientist with all the cleaning products I can find."
12. "Last week, my baby brother was eating out of the litter box and Mommy said that which does not kill us makes us stronger."
13. "Yesterday, the cat bit my baby brother, and as he was bleeding all over the place, Mommy called the vet to get the cats shots updated for the first time in 5 years."
14. "Last week, Daddy complained about dinner and Mommy threw the food across the kitchen and told Daddy to make his own (*&^ dinner next time."
I'm not right in the head. For the record...my kid has only said ONE of these in public. I will let you guess which one.
1. "Mommy drinks ALOT after the nice church ladies leave."
2. "Those child proof tops on Mommys Happy Meds are REALLY easy to get off."
3. "Mommy told me before you got here if I touched anything in the house she would rip my arms off and feed them to the dog."
4. "Mommy says she really hopes you don't look in the attic 'cause that's where she keeps the instruments of torture."
5. "Mommy threatened Daddy with bodily harm and possible death if he didn't get off his lazy butt and help her clean the house."
6. "Mommy doesn't kiss Daddy like she does "Uncle Charlie."
7. "Mommy took a triple dose of meds before you came here this morning. She says she hopes you don't notice her pupils are fixed and dilated."
8. "Mommy said if I don't tell you that I'm a happy kid and love my home that she would lock me in a closet and feed me nothing but bread and water for a week."
9. "Mommy says she hopes you don't get in the special drawer in her bedroom that has some funny lotions in it. "
10. "Mommy says she's going to jump off the roof if she has to do one more *&^% home study."
11. " Sometimes when Mommy and Daddy are sleeping, I like to play scientist with all the cleaning products I can find."
12. "Last week, my baby brother was eating out of the litter box and Mommy said that which does not kill us makes us stronger."
13. "Yesterday, the cat bit my baby brother, and as he was bleeding all over the place, Mommy called the vet to get the cats shots updated for the first time in 5 years."
14. "Last week, Daddy complained about dinner and Mommy threw the food across the kitchen and told Daddy to make his own (*&^ dinner next time."
I'm not right in the head. For the record...my kid has only said ONE of these in public. I will let you guess which one.
Monday, June 25, 2012
Small Boy Training Camp...I'm a genius
4 small boys...........4 small boys.............4 FLIPPIN SMALL BOYS!!!!! Lord almighty, I love my sons, but today is one of those days where I'm sitting here at the end of the day wondering "What the hell just happened". The events of today got me thinkin.....There is a missing niche in the market, and I think I've discovered it. Its called "Small Boy training camp". No, its not for small boys...its for the PARENTS of small boys. Seriously, I think every ultrasound tech should be ready with brochures. When they detect a boy is to be born, the tech can hand out the brochure and say "A certificate of completion is required before we let you take your boy home, in ten years you'll thank us"
Upon arrival, you may notice that this is not your "typical" camp. Its in a warehouse. A warehouse of PAIN! You will enter the Pain Zone (PZ for short) and immediately be hit in the face with a stick. Why? What did you do to deserve this? Absolutely nothing. You need to get used to that sting, cuz you're going to feel it every day for at least 10 years. See, when you put a stick into a Small Boys (SB) hands, it immediately becomes a tool of destruction. Its not a magical wand, a conductors baton, or a drum stick...its a WEAPON FOR CAUSING PAIN! The same with baseball bats, play swords (which hurt really bad and makes me wonder who the heck thought of such torture devices), and the neighbors cat. All of these and many more will immediately turn your angel into a demon. You've been warned.
Once your face stops throbbing, its onto hardware. This is for you dads out there. I dont care if you are a handy man, you're gonna have to know some things before you bring your SB home. If you dont know them, then you need to have some serious cash stashed away for the handy man you will have to call. First up...toilets. Each man will be timed on how long it takes them to snake, snake again, give up on snaking, rip the toilet out, retrieve the object (and yes, it will be an object), replace the wax ring, and put the toilet on again. I'm proud to say that Andy has this down to usually under 10 minutes. He's a flippin PRO at it. You get points taken off if you become nauseous at any time. After toilets, its the sinks. You need to figure out how to get various items out that your SBs have managed to get into a drain. Paper towel, lego men, toothbrushes, and chicken nuggets have all been squished down my bathroom sink.
While the men are busy playing with hardware, its the womens turn. Ladies, this is where it helps to be slightly psychotic. You need to learn to think on your feet. First lesson....language arts. Here you will learn the art of saying "stop hitting your brother" in 4 different languages and tones. One of them may be effective with your SB. You will also learn how to come up with diseases and maladies that dont exist or will never happen. You need to think fast and make it as gruesome as possible. For example, say your SB wants to jump off something that is a bit too high. I assure you, a simple "No, you might get hurt" is not going to persuade them that it is a bad idea. Its more like this "if you jump off of that object, than your leg is going to fall off, your eyeballs will bleed, and you'll have to poop into a bag for the rest of your life". You have to be as deadly serious as you possibly can. NO LAUGHING!!!!! Same goes for insects, if you dont know the name of the bug, make it up and make it as deadly as possible. "If you touch that Beetle Raptor, then it'll bite you and you'll get these horrible bleeding spots all over your body and theres no medicine for it and then you die". See, its as easy as that.
After you have learned how to speak in tongues, its onto crafts. Each woman will be given a "girly" craft...the women will be timed on how quickly they can turn that girly craft into a manly craft. Most little boys HATE girlie things. For example, last year I registered Eli for VBS. When we arrived, he was given a nametag with a corresponding insect on it. Eli was quite upset that he was put in the "girly butterfly group". I quickly grabbed a marker and his name tag. I drew fangs on the butterfly and said "There, now you are in the butterfly vampire group". He was ECSTATIC!
Next, the men and women will join back up. As you walk through the PZ, you may notice dispensers on the walls. These dispensers contain little white or peach-colored pills. These are the Xanax dispensers, and no men, they arent for you, they are for your wives. Men, you need to calmly walk your wife to these dispensers and say that its chocolate for mommies. Men, you dont get any because its your punishment for putting your mothers through whatever it is that you did when you were younger. That'll teach you!!!!!!!!
Now its time for a group activity. Men, when you signed in, you were asked for your occupation. Each men will be taken to his designated work area (cubicle with complex computer, cars for mechanics, farm equipment, whatever it is that you do). Calmly start doing your job. At any given moment, something horrible will happen to that equipment. At the same time, your wives will begin texting you. The texts will look something like this "HELP, I NEED YOUR HELP, THE BOYS DID THIS AND THAT AND I'VE HAD ENOUGH AND ITS YOUR FAULT!" Men, you need to concentrate on both issues at hand. Should you neglect to answer your wives texts, then a phone call will follow. I assure you, you DONT want the phone call.
Next, we're going to play the SB version of "Telephone". Remember that game when you were younger? You'd get a line of people, a phrase would start on one end and then end up all jumbled by the time it got to the other end? The SB version will put husband against wife. Wives, you will be put into a room with several SB's. Husbands, you call your wives with very important information. Wives, you are awarded points as to how accurate you are with your husbands info. While your husband is speaking, the SBs will be kicking you, tugging on your clothes, throwing cake batter at their brothers, chasing a hamster, pretending to be spiderman on the walls, and yelling "MOM!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE TOILETS BROKE AGAIN!". You cannot ignore the SB's, as they will only get louder until you address them. (and you wonder why I like email and texting)
The last training exercise is for Mom and Dad. Its called "What is that spot on the wall?". Each couple will be given multiple tiles of dried "stuff". Each will need to be correctly identified and bonus points will be given if either one knows how to remove it without damaging the wall. Some examples will be oatmeal, chocolate, ketchup, oreo, blood, etc.
Once you have completed all the exercises, you will be awarded with nothing. Yep, not a darn thing. However, you will be allowed to take your SB home from the hospital, which in itself is enough reward :)
I love my sons. I love them so much :) And, this is going to make me millions......
Its either we laugh or....we go to BED!
Angie
Upon arrival, you may notice that this is not your "typical" camp. Its in a warehouse. A warehouse of PAIN! You will enter the Pain Zone (PZ for short) and immediately be hit in the face with a stick. Why? What did you do to deserve this? Absolutely nothing. You need to get used to that sting, cuz you're going to feel it every day for at least 10 years. See, when you put a stick into a Small Boys (SB) hands, it immediately becomes a tool of destruction. Its not a magical wand, a conductors baton, or a drum stick...its a WEAPON FOR CAUSING PAIN! The same with baseball bats, play swords (which hurt really bad and makes me wonder who the heck thought of such torture devices), and the neighbors cat. All of these and many more will immediately turn your angel into a demon. You've been warned.
Once your face stops throbbing, its onto hardware. This is for you dads out there. I dont care if you are a handy man, you're gonna have to know some things before you bring your SB home. If you dont know them, then you need to have some serious cash stashed away for the handy man you will have to call. First up...toilets. Each man will be timed on how long it takes them to snake, snake again, give up on snaking, rip the toilet out, retrieve the object (and yes, it will be an object), replace the wax ring, and put the toilet on again. I'm proud to say that Andy has this down to usually under 10 minutes. He's a flippin PRO at it. You get points taken off if you become nauseous at any time. After toilets, its the sinks. You need to figure out how to get various items out that your SBs have managed to get into a drain. Paper towel, lego men, toothbrushes, and chicken nuggets have all been squished down my bathroom sink.
While the men are busy playing with hardware, its the womens turn. Ladies, this is where it helps to be slightly psychotic. You need to learn to think on your feet. First lesson....language arts. Here you will learn the art of saying "stop hitting your brother" in 4 different languages and tones. One of them may be effective with your SB. You will also learn how to come up with diseases and maladies that dont exist or will never happen. You need to think fast and make it as gruesome as possible. For example, say your SB wants to jump off something that is a bit too high. I assure you, a simple "No, you might get hurt" is not going to persuade them that it is a bad idea. Its more like this "if you jump off of that object, than your leg is going to fall off, your eyeballs will bleed, and you'll have to poop into a bag for the rest of your life". You have to be as deadly serious as you possibly can. NO LAUGHING!!!!! Same goes for insects, if you dont know the name of the bug, make it up and make it as deadly as possible. "If you touch that Beetle Raptor, then it'll bite you and you'll get these horrible bleeding spots all over your body and theres no medicine for it and then you die". See, its as easy as that.
After you have learned how to speak in tongues, its onto crafts. Each woman will be given a "girly" craft...the women will be timed on how quickly they can turn that girly craft into a manly craft. Most little boys HATE girlie things. For example, last year I registered Eli for VBS. When we arrived, he was given a nametag with a corresponding insect on it. Eli was quite upset that he was put in the "girly butterfly group". I quickly grabbed a marker and his name tag. I drew fangs on the butterfly and said "There, now you are in the butterfly vampire group". He was ECSTATIC!
Next, the men and women will join back up. As you walk through the PZ, you may notice dispensers on the walls. These dispensers contain little white or peach-colored pills. These are the Xanax dispensers, and no men, they arent for you, they are for your wives. Men, you need to calmly walk your wife to these dispensers and say that its chocolate for mommies. Men, you dont get any because its your punishment for putting your mothers through whatever it is that you did when you were younger. That'll teach you!!!!!!!!
Now its time for a group activity. Men, when you signed in, you were asked for your occupation. Each men will be taken to his designated work area (cubicle with complex computer, cars for mechanics, farm equipment, whatever it is that you do). Calmly start doing your job. At any given moment, something horrible will happen to that equipment. At the same time, your wives will begin texting you. The texts will look something like this "HELP, I NEED YOUR HELP, THE BOYS DID THIS AND THAT AND I'VE HAD ENOUGH AND ITS YOUR FAULT!" Men, you need to concentrate on both issues at hand. Should you neglect to answer your wives texts, then a phone call will follow. I assure you, you DONT want the phone call.
Next, we're going to play the SB version of "Telephone". Remember that game when you were younger? You'd get a line of people, a phrase would start on one end and then end up all jumbled by the time it got to the other end? The SB version will put husband against wife. Wives, you will be put into a room with several SB's. Husbands, you call your wives with very important information. Wives, you are awarded points as to how accurate you are with your husbands info. While your husband is speaking, the SBs will be kicking you, tugging on your clothes, throwing cake batter at their brothers, chasing a hamster, pretending to be spiderman on the walls, and yelling "MOM!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE TOILETS BROKE AGAIN!". You cannot ignore the SB's, as they will only get louder until you address them. (and you wonder why I like email and texting)
The last training exercise is for Mom and Dad. Its called "What is that spot on the wall?". Each couple will be given multiple tiles of dried "stuff". Each will need to be correctly identified and bonus points will be given if either one knows how to remove it without damaging the wall. Some examples will be oatmeal, chocolate, ketchup, oreo, blood, etc.
Once you have completed all the exercises, you will be awarded with nothing. Yep, not a darn thing. However, you will be allowed to take your SB home from the hospital, which in itself is enough reward :)
I love my sons. I love them so much :) And, this is going to make me millions......
Its either we laugh or....we go to BED!
Angie
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